It's the immediate response to something that doesn't quite come out the way I'd hoped or planned for.
It's a statement that my perfectionist alter ego cringes at.
There may have been creative expletives absorbed into the silence of my studio...
Wouldn't it be curious if the words you said out loud when alone collected on the walls of the room you were in for others to witness?
That would be an eye opening experience...
Anyway, It's no secret that people are hardest on themselves. We judge and criticize every little thing and are quick to toss aside something that could be wonderful, labeling it ruined instead.
Ahhh sweet, sweet insecurities...
In this particular situation, it's clear that this small painting is definitely ruined, but instead of calling it a failure, I'm trying to change my outlook and call it a learning experience instead.
No one ever said I couldn't try again, right?
And as discouraging as it is to start all over again from square one, I know it will be so much better the next time considering there's a new technique involved here.
on the positive side, I was smart enough to experiment on a smaller scale to see if I even enjoyed the process of "pouring".
Let me explain for those that aren't familiar with this technique; its the process of taking your primary watercolors (red, yellow and blue) and pouring each one onto your composition using gravity to mix them together as you tilt your paper before letting the wash run off [into a tub or sink]. Once your layer of color dries, you mask the next stage of your composition with masking fluid then pour another layer of color over the first. You repeat this process as many times as necessary to achieve your values of light and dark. Once satisfied with the layers and colors, you then remove the layers of masking fluid on your composition.
There are numerous video tutorials on youtube about the process, I just didn't realize beforehand that the kind of paper and masking fluid really makes a difference. I got all the way to the last stage where you remove the masking and...well...you see what happened. the top layer of paper came up with part of it and on other spots, it left fuzz behind.
I was shocked.
I felt betrayed, as odd as that sounds. Betrayed by my materials that I meticulously researched and worked with over the last couple of years.
Everything worked beautifully for me before, why is this time different?
Why didn't I know everything?!
No one is perfect. Infallible. There will be mistakes. Life goes on.
Resistance [to this concept] is futile!
In the end, instead of tossing this one in the trash, I'm putting it into my 2016 book of work as proof that I'm determined to further myself as an artist.
I can't grow if I don't stumble a little along the way, right? ;)